The So What Phase

“It’s a popular fact that 90% of the brain is not used and, like most popular facts, it is wrong. Not even the most stupid Creator would go to the trouble of making the human head carry around several pounds of unnecessary grey goo if its only real purpose was, eg, to serve as a delicacy for certain remote tribesmen in unexplored valleys, it is used. One of its functions is to make the miraculous seem ordinary, and turn the unusual into the usual. Otherwise, human beings, forced with the daily wondrousness of everything, would go around wearing a stupid grin, saying “WOW” a lot. Part of the brain exists to stop this happening. It is very efficient, and can make people experience boredom in the middle of marvels  “ – Terry Pratchett

 I have three incomplete drafts in my folder that go by these names:

1. Purpose of Life

2. My 37-Paise

3. What I think of life

As is obvious from those titles, I am suffering from an acute case of writer’s block. Well, make that a life-block. Just like how I lack content to write about, I presently lack the will to do. Do something, anything! A few weeks back I was disconcerted by this new feeling of stagnation and spluttered around like a fish out of water. Everything in life is in a state of flux (similar to what I had written here) – Work, Family, Friends, Hobbies and Entertainment. It is quite a surreal state to be in. Earlier, at all points of my life, I eagerly was working towards achieving something. Be it the exams, a good job, a story or a solution to a problem at home. Now, for some reason, there is not much to look forward to. Either that or I have chosen to not look. It sounds confusing and confused I was. I had defensive, weak debates with a close friend and cause-less, hurtful fights at home, as a result of these confusions. It is also a phase that holds very little of any of the emotions – joy, shock, fear, surprise and anger. – No typical nervousness with a group of strangers; No unsurpassed joy at getting a PS2; No curiosity to find out about current affairs; No anger at things I get angry about.  

But, after some introspection, I realized that I was content with life. None of this made me sit up all night brooding. I was not depressed about anything and was relaxed with whatever I was doing (or not doing). Unlike before, I did not have ‘thought-nights’ that involved me thinking all night. I wake up on time, sail through my day at work, go out a few evenings and sleep like a log as soon as I hit the bed. It is a dichotomous existence in that even though life has few challenges to offer, few friends to hang out with, zero thoughts in my head and invisible doses of excitement, I am satisfied and happy with it. This dichotomy prompted me earlier to fret and worry about where I was headed, but now I realize that like the other phases in life, this too is a phase. A phase of stagnating laziness and abundant contentment. I feel like Suppandi from Tinkle – dumb but happy, clueless yet joyful. It can feel strange, just like how sitting at home with nothing to do can be, but it is not a desperate phase that calls for pushing the panic buttons. So, for now, I will while away in this leisurely phase and learn about yet another colour on the rainbow of life. Till then, be good and do stay loyal to Pulp Non-Fiction. I will be back soon :) 

The So What Phase

6 thoughts on “The So What Phase

  1. Manoj says:

    If I am adding to your confusion, so be it.
    Divakar and I were nowhere near the phase of stagnating laziness or abundant contentment last monday and so we got majorly pissed off!!
    Am still waiting for your arrival on the other side, buddy, no matter how much you choose not to. See you soon.

  2. Sorry maga – I did mean to catch up on that day (surprisingly!) but I had to give away my phone to someone who required it urgently. Didn’t have either of your numbers – this I realized later.

    And thanks maams for waiting :)

  3. horsey says:

    Good that you have started to look at things positively !!! well I really look forward to your next post on life

  4. Time to enjoy or do something new, learn to play an instrument, go out on drives, read books/watch movies; time after the toil to sit back etc etc.
    Or go out with someone, on a drive/dinner – you know … !! ;))

  5. @Horsey: Sure thing maams! But am still forgetting things – like marriage dates!

    @Sin: Feel haapy, be haapy!

    @Shamit: Yeah :) I am doing some theatre-workshops and also looking out for other stuff to learn/do!

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