My first post for the year and it’s in March. Wow.
In fact, epoch-level changes took place end of last year just after I put up the anniversary post. Over and through a period of uncertainty and indecisiveness, my wife and I found ourselves as intra-city nomads. We saw houses across the breadth and length of north-west Bangalore, were unsatisfied and settled into our respective parents’ houses to resume some sort of our pre-marriage dating ritual. This sort of an arrangement ill-suits us both, rattling our nerves and unsettling daily routines. I think more so with her than with me. We still continue to postpone our moving decision but as the eternally optimistic house-hunting couple, we are positive we will have a house to call our own by this April. All are invited for a drink and good time once that happens, provided you pray for us real hard.
Other apparent changes, in no order of importance, have also been related to indecisiveness. On my part. In a classic case of baby, bathwater and throwing, I sought to blame my restlessness at work on my distance from studying and quickly climbed onto the I-want-to-study-something bandwagon. Only to descend from it after realizing my wide range of interests was distracting me to end. My attachment to ideas – idea of love, idea of studying, idea of playing a video game, idea of watching a movie – overpower those to the experience itself. I often find myself not enjoying a book as much as I kept salivating at the thought of reading that book. Anyway, I digress, I am now happy to report to you that my initial confusions about my new job seem to be laid at rest for the time being.
Similarly, I swayed between old-Karthik and new-Karthik, ala Karthik-calling-Karthik. Rushing in to book a pair of contact lenses, only to never return to the optician. Drooling over buying a new bike endlessly on websites while continuing to ride a sick growler of a two-wheeler engine. Accessorizing my bike to make it more friendly though postponing it endlessly, justifying it by my need to bike more first. In between, I also caused more than one minor scuffle between me and wife over trip destinations and some more on the trip itself.
Cynically speaking, I think I am growing older. My indecisiveness used to haunt me earlier as well but ultimately I rolled (or was pushed) over to one side or the other. Now, I refuse to. I only sway a hundred times in all directions, only to remain firmly footed on the familiar, stable ground of inactivity. Age appears to be instructing me to take fewer risks and keep me ensconced to an ever-shrinking zone of comfort.
Cheerfully speaking, I might just still be a boy in a candy shop. Even after opening up all of these boxes, I go on running around, seeking some special cases hidden under the basement, apparently. Which will give me the address of the perfect house to rent out, a one-word answer to what I was meant to do professionally and a life-time membership of an exclusive swimming pool next to the perfect house.
Staying with the cheer, I have now figured out that all self-help hacks are a load of crap. Apart from the ones that point you to tools, the only mantra is – work hard. All those abs on sportsy people? They don’t come overnight. Yeah, I am a late entrant to the club of self-help-atheists.
The only plan I have for this year is this – to cycle the most since my last year at school. It is one fitness activity I truly enjoy – the mind is up to the challenge and the body agrees to comply. Who knows, I might probably be doing a long tour by the end of the year.
Probably, I should also stop twittering and facebook-ing (is it a verb yet?). With my regular job requiring me to write extensively as well, it is difficult as it is to motivate myself to write blog posts. When I do manage to do so, like today, it is like a eight-year old girl’s journal entry.
God help me! (Yeah, I think I am becoming a believer. Thanks to Him, a burden’s been lifted. ) Wow.